BMX Basics:
Does Your Bike Have Character?

Readers of Road & Track magazine are no doubt familiar with Peter Egan and his "character" quizzes. Mr. Egan makes the point that it is easy to buy a near-perfect automobile nowadays, but far more difficult to find a car with "character", that is, a kind of personality that makes a car seem almost human. Having spent a fair amount of time in the car business working for various BMW, Infiniti, and Ford dealerships, I can absolutely identify with the idea of "character". That's why two of the Boswell family's three vehicles are English. We like it when every trip is a "will we make it or not" adventure.

Can "character" be defined in a car, motorcycle, or BMX bike? Mr. Egan has made "quizzes" for cars and motorcycles based on a kind of point system. "Add 20 points if your car has a magneto starter" is one example. "Deduct 20 points for a fake radiator grille" is another, I believe.

We can do the same thing for BMX bikes, and in fact, this is the subject of this month's column. Since BMX bikes need riders to make them go anywhere, however, my quiz contains questions about you as well. This is intended in the spirit of what the English call "good sport", so don't be angry with me if you score low (or high). Got your pen or pencil?

• If your bike is stored in a carpeted room of your house, add 20 points. If you sleep in that room, add another 10.
• Add 30 points if the company that made your frame is now out of business. If it's been ten years or more since the last one like yours was made, add another 10.
• Deduct 10 points if people who don't race recognize your bike. Add those 10 points back if they mispronounce the name of the company.
• If any of the following items are currently in your bike, add 10 points - pieces of a soda can, Super Glue, hose clamps, or pop rivets.
• If you used a "Dremel tool" while assembling your bike, add 10 points. Give yourself another 10 if it wasn't really necessary to do so.
• Add 100 points for "Bottema" forks.
• Deduct 50 points for non-matching anodized parts.
• Add 15 points for painted frames with chromed rear triangles.
• Give yourself 50 points if nobody but you knows how your cranks were installed.
• Spider/chainring combos are worth 5 points, another 5 if you've changed a chainring at a race. Another 10 if you did it between motos.
• If your frame type was ever ridden by a pro with another company's stickers on it, add 50 points. If that pro was an Anderson brother, add 10 more.
• Mag wheels are worth 100 points, as long as they're plastic. Skyway Graphite Tuffs are worth 500 points, at least.
• If you have broken any bones while riding your current bike, add 50. Deduct 100 if you blamed the accident on the bike.
• Five-inch head tubes are worth 75 points.
• Deduct 10 points for polished finishes. Add those 10 back, plus another 50, if you did the polishing yourself.
• If you have a front brake, add 50 points. If you reversed brake levers, like Mike Dominguez had, take 50 more.
• If you ever lost a girlfriend/boyfriend over your bike, add 100 points. Add 10 more if the movie "Rad" was involved.
• If a bike like yours was in "Rad", "BMX Bandits", or the "Miami Vice" episode with the flatlanders, add 20 points.
• If this is your first "real" race bike, add 20. Deduct 50 if this is the bike you bought to replace your first bike. Add 30 back if you kept your old scoot.
• Any parts "mismatches" - Profile crank arms on a Boss spindle, for example, are worth 50 character points, but zero safety points.
• Deduct 50 points if your decision to buy your bike was based on some big advertisement, unless that ad featured Stu Thomsen.
• If you put your bike in the back seat of your car, add 20 points. Add another 200 if that means your friends have to ride in the trunk.
• Add 50 points if there's any wood on your bike.
• Add 100 points if a bike like yours was used by Pete Loncaravich to cause a "ghost-riding" incident at a major National.
• If you paid for your bike yourself, add 50 points.
• If you've ever missed a meal to pay an entry fee, add 10 points.
• If you don't work on your bike yourself, deduct 50 points, as long as you're 14 or over.
• Give yourself 1 point for every time another rider questioned your sanity for riding "that piece of junk".
• Rebuilding your own hubs is worth 50 points, 25 more if you put the hubs back together with less bearings than originally.
• Last but not least, add 10 points for every season you have had your current scoot.

I took the test myself and scored 195 points (out of a possible 750 or so, not counting the Graphite Tuffs) with my 20", but only 120 with my Cruiser, which is what I actually spend most of my time riding. Some of my previous bikes had a lot more "character" than the ones I have now, but nearly anyone who has been riding for a while can tell you that your "favorite" bike isn't necessarily the best choice to actually race with.

Although it's fun to be a "BMX snob" and criticize everything from entry-level bikes to neon paint jobs, doing so obscures the most important thing about BMX bikes: If getting on your bike makes you smile, if you'd rather ride somewhere than drive, if you can hardly concentrate at school (or work) thinking about riding, your bike has character. It doesn't matter if it's an old MX-II with Bottema forks and a drum brake or one of the modern alumino-wonder-scoots - it's your bike.

Nothing else really matters - not your friends, not the races you lose or win, not crazy Jim Boswell and his crazy quizzes. It's you and your bike. And if you find the same joy in riding I have found, I think we can award ourselves a perfect score on any "character" quiz. I think Mr. Egan would agree.

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